My Grandfather's Loneliness

Sitting lonely in his room,

Amidst the books collected,

Remnants of a life well lived.

Looking at the television rather than watching it.

What thoughts could he be having?

What butterflies in his mind?

And yes, the rain does fall like liquor down his throat,

Like a thousand tears unsung of,

I'll sing them for you.

Your skin is dried up and wrinkled,

On them are poems you couldn't write-

I'll write them for you.

You told me to be a poet was not a life,

But you also said that poetry could change life,

Recreating life out of life.

Your melancholy,

Your soliloquy you couldn't sing,

Why not? The burden,

The burden of making a living,

The burden of family,

The burden of having a bird in your soul

Surrounded by four walls,

No window to even look out of.

Grandfather, when I look into your eyes I cry.

I cannot be near you because I feel your pain,

And if it's too much for me,

How much can it be hurting you?

By the time I make it, you'll probably be dead.

By the time I'm flying, you'll already have laid your head

Beneath the the tomb of the centuries,

There you'll lie.

But don't worry grandfather, you too will fly,

For I will make it so.

Today I wrote nothing

Today I wrote nothing

And a face was looking at me through the dark

And the ghost of existence screamed at me

And accused me of knowing nothing.

Emptiness was walking by

With a melancholy song on her lips,

And the image of people passing

Like the foliage of leaves on trees

Like the willow

Sent me asunder

And I stole a D.V.D.

People were looking at me

Do you know how it feels to live in your head?

Countless voices cursing and shouting

But then you realize it's just you.

Do you know how it feels to be alive?

Because those I've met were already dead

Some in fear of living

Some having lived in dread.

And

Today I wrote nothing

Nothing

Nothing

Nothing

Melancholy pursing through the knife cut sky

And I realized that

Rats and Children follow me out of town

Sprinkle your tears
With salt and pepper
Stolen from the table
When they're looking away
And while you're at it
Get some food too
You'll need the stuff
If you wanna stay alive and
Write in your diary
The final words that
They'll ever read
From you, but they
Probably won't even
Notice your scribbling
Never did before
Never did before and
Take your pets
They'll only starve and
Take the pictures of
Back when they had a heart
And
Run to the horizon
The everlasting moonlight
All the way to where
The music plays and
Maybe there-in
You'll find something
More so than what you had before
Or you might die
Body in a ditch
But death or life loveless
Endlessness or a cage

"And the pied piper he played his tune
To the ears of all the jolly kids.
He took them to his mountain tomb
Where he's kept them safely hid."

Ash Flower

1

I'm screaming on the inside, outside they're looking in
Can't see the real me for the smile rigged on my skin
Can't touch me for my bones have invaded my body
I'm more insect than man, no clerk is in my lobby
Like Nicholson in The Shining I'm seeing dead faces
But then I realize it's just me in my mirror
The lines I see within it I trace in hopes to find
A treasure, a pot of gold, something to realize
Or rather to distract me from looking into my eyes
That say so many words I don't wish to divine
That whisper everything that at night naturally comes
The words that I say not for fear they're made real
The words that accurately describe how I feel
So I play a silly game with myself to forget
That every moment I breathe all I do is fret and fret
That every moment of the day all I do is lay around
I try to find solace in the holy sounds
Of the great artists that came before me
And for a brief moment I feel like I am free
I feel like I am that I can be like them
But I know that that's nothing but a game.

2

If I could I would I should but could I?
It feels like night time even during the day
The birds that I see they're all running away
I in the prairie, they in the sky
I grounded on the grounded they free to fly
I, fickle a moment then underground
Worm food worm wood
Like me there's millions around
I'm nothing special
I'm unique like everyone else
A snowflake for a moment
Then a sea bed
Light is but a dream way way down here
Even the fish that swim crawl way down here
Even the atmosphere is designed to kill
Can't even dream to be scuttling in the dark seas
Though ragged claws I have and all they can do is scratch
They cannot help me scratch through
They cannot help me die.
No mermaids around to hear me sigh
No wastelands to sing of I have become one.
A hollow man, a scare crow, slowly undone.


3

The
The light
At the end
Of the tunnel seems

Upturned

Like dew that falls on a distant leaf
Of some green valley we know not of
And pixies that play with all their grace
And fairies that fly with all their love
You too are magical.

On seraph wings you come in my dreams
Quoting Cicero’s Law-wise writings
And the words of Mary Magdalene
From up high your ivory tower
You do enchant my soul

And our wars of words make me go mad
But they’re never even close to drab
And sometimes though you be coquettish
When the time ticks right you turn tantric
And to heaven take me.

I’ve found my Lotte and she loves me too.
No more like young Werther will I cry
No more like Pierrot will I sigh
No more will I be incomplete
Now that you have kissed me. 

I'm a BlackStar

Something happened on the day he died
Spirit rose a metre and stepped aside
Somebody else took his place, and bravely cried
(I’m a blackstar, I’m a blackstar)

Nothing has changed The wind still moves
In its wild tempo
Thum Thum Thum
And the earth still shakes ever so gently
And the cries of the millions who wiped their tears
Are now mere smudges to be washed as the days
Go by
For nothing has changed and the Wind
Is still Wild, and we have lost The Man Who Sold The World

He fell to earth as Stardust that we all are
But he was more, a man so much more 
A lad insane, A Thin White Duke, Low,
A SuperCreep, even the mythical Pierrot,
A Lodger, Heathen, but always Swinging, Our Hero
A prophet ever fearful but feared by none
And loved by all Our David

Has bowed his last Bow

In the center of it all lies 
Myth, a God risen from his slumber
To take the stars as only A God could
As only an Outsider could, as only Davy Jones could
As only...

And as the Hours wile away
And the Black Tie White Noise
Cause us Earthlings to scream 
Let's Dance as he would have wanted
As the Reality that The Next day
Will remain an Oddity, and the Space
Between the passing and our lives
Grow larger and once again Hunky Dory
Tonight
Let the Diamond Dogs howl
And the Pinups remain the same
Let the Buddha of Suburbia have his rest
From Station to Station to the Life he knows best
Never letting us down

All I can say now is
I'm a blackstar.

The Misfits

When school goes out we'll have a super day!

Said Sam, the leader of the gang.

We'll run & run until the sun gives way,

And we'll greet the streets with a bang.

Weep not ye mighties, it's all our domain,

This land is but a playground for us.

Yes, said David, from the seas to the plains,

From the concrete, yes, to the bus.

What if our parents catch us? Said Sabin,

The shiest of this savage crew.

Fear not, said Ujen, it is not a sin

To have fun, every day, or two.

Run forth, run forth, ye misfits, let us run.

In the depths we will find the new!

Run forth, run forth, sharp yourself for the hunt.

The sky's red and the sun is blue.

The dog you see there, it is not a dog,

But a lion that growls its roars.

And the garden snake that slides in the bogs,

Is a dragon, how high it soars!

The houses around us are ancient huts

Built by peoples of long ago.

Oi, said the store clerk, what you stupid runts

Doing out by the store window?

And the vines that stalk these ru-runic walls

Are where the space monkeys do climb.

We can't see them, because a special call

Is sent forth when humans come spyin'.

The treasure lies beyond, the treasure lies…

Their voices trail off with the wind.

For the sound of their fathers' mothers' cries,

Let us know that this tale now ends.

Crazy Casbah Sound

Music falls down the tounge

Becomes sweet serenity,

Fills the body with dance

And then it's off, God knows where

Dance darling angels,

Sing sweet voices,

What is there we know of life?

Except music, and song, and words!

Love comes in the heart

In the form of your body's grace,

Incarnate desire I become

As I move to touch your hips

Dance darling angels,

Sing sweet voices,

What is there we know of life?

Except music, and song, and words

Your lips upon my lips,

Your taste upon my tounge,

What more can be asked of life

Than the feeling of us entwined

Dance darling angels,

Sing sweet voices,

What is there we know of life?

Except music, and song, and words

And you.

 

Dream land

Prologue

inside my heart another world does surely lay

a place that would hold no meaning in this world of gray

but my heart is another being independent of me

close your eyes, open your hearts and then you will see

inside my loneseome heart of clay

1

my heart is like an open moor on a stormy day

looking at the pouring rain, watching as they play

wetting all the leaves and grass with their lofty joy

this moor it seems has become their one and only toy

this moor, my lonesome heart of clay

2

but this pouring rain does make me happy in a strange way

my heart, this open moor where this lofty rain does lay

I feel like everything I wanted in this place might be

everything, everything that I could or could not see

peer into my lonesome heart of clay

3

this rain that pours in my heart ne'er does go away

it just pours on and on, like an ocean as it may

slowly drowning all my troubles as much as it can

with a melancholy wind that blows like a drifting fan

in my lonesome heart of clay

4

but still I have to wake from my heart and start my earthly day

read and learn such silly things, listen to everyones boorish say

but my heart this open moor is where I still belong

oh how I long to go back there and continue this drab song

of my lonesome heart of clay

5

but still that cant stop me from comparing this world where I play

to the open moor in my heart, that lonesome heart of clay

from that open moor should I run or should I return

this unanswered question makes my mind ache and burn

alas my lonesome heart of clay

6

even though it is inviting that moor in everyway

is it where I truly belong this I cannot say

for even though this world may be oh so dreary

and maybe it is drab and even a little weary

is it worse than that moor in my lonesome heart of clay

7

I once again visit the moor where the rain does lay

ah that playful rain I watch as it does play

then it cuts me like a knife but now the magic's gone

and now I feel, no I am, so, so very much alone

in this my lonesome heart of clay

8

now I know that doubt holds no meaning, holds no say

in this moor, in my heart where the rain used to play

since now all the magic's gone because of this doubt

that I felt and still do, oh I am such a lout

its gone, the moor in my lonesome heart of clay

9

I had finally found a place where I belonged in every way

a place where life was jolly, so happy and so gay

but it was not meant for a mortal like me

I am filled with so much strife I cannot let it be

I cannot live without my moor in my lonesome heart of clay

END